Not Okay
by Trekkiehood
Summary: Steve is not okay with a lot of things. But when he receives the news of Peggy's death, he loses it. Somehow he ends up on a bridge with Tony Stark, probably the worlds least comforting person, comforting him.


**Based on a work of fan art by Lets_Call_Me_Lilly. Seriously, leave kudos on it, it's awesome. It's the cover, but you should really check it out on Ao3 to show your support.**

 **Oh, and this is not Civil War compliant. Like, at all. So, there's that. Who needs Civil War, right?**

 **Anyway, here goes.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

 **WARNING: Minor suicidal thoughts.**

 **God bless,**

 **Trekkiehood**

~TH~

He received the text when he was alone. He was thankful for that. The last thing he needed was for people to see him like this. He read it again, tears filling his eyes. SHE'S GONE IN HER SLEEP. He sat downon his bed, suddenly feeling too weak to stand. Closing his eyes, Steve Roger took a deep breath. It was okay. He would be okay.

But, no matter how many times he told himself that, it didn't change the fact that he wasn't. He was not okay. Tears began to pour out of his closed eyes. Peggy was dead. The only girl he had ever loved was dead. He took another shuddering breath and scrubbed his face with his hands. He had to pull himself together.

She was the last one. The last one from his old life. His last friend. Well, the last one besides Bucky and who knew where he was.

He's not really sure why it matters. She aged, he didn't. He died and left her behind, now it was her turn to leave. She had a happy life. That's what her children said at least. Peggy's children. Peggy and her husband's children.They should have been our children. Flittered through his mind.

He tried to clear his head. He had almost succeeded when his phone vibrated. Wiping away the few remaining tears, he pulled it out. It was a news article. The headline read: PEGGY CARTER, CAPTAIN AMERICA'S LOVER DEAD AT 95. That was it. He couldn't take it anymore. He squeezed his phone until he felt the frame twist. Then throwing it down, he ran out of his room. He ran down the stairs at full speed, then swung the door open and took off into the pouring rain.

~A~

Tony was in his workshop when Jarvis told him. "Sir," the AI had said with what almost sounded like sympathy. Tony grunted a reply, not really paying attention. "Margarett Carter has just passed away. She went peacefully in her sleep."

Tony stopped. Aunt Peggy was dead? It was hard to fathom. There were times when she had been more of a constant in his life than his own parents. He leaned back in his chair and found himself lightly spinning it, letting it really sink in. He hadn't seen her much recently. His own fault of course, but she had dementia and barely remembered him half the time anyway. That was just too much for him to be able to hands. She was what, 95? It really shouldn't have been all that surprising. Cap had mentioned that she had been deteriorating fast and...

"Jarvis, where's Steve?" he asked standing up. He may not be the most sympathetic person in the world, but not even he couldn't resist the urge to at least check on the guy.

"Captain Rogers ran out of the tower at approximately 3:03 P.M. I am unaware of where he went."

"3:03," Tony mumbled to himself, "that was just a few minutes ago. Jarvis,call Steve's cell."

"I am afraid that would be ineffective. Captain Rogers destroyed his phone before exiting the building at incredible speed."

Tony sighed, annoyed, "Well, find out where he's at!"

There was a moment then, "He was just seen heading towards Central Park. And sir, it's raining severely and Captain Rogers appears unprotected from the elements."

Tony grabbed an umbrella mumbling under his breath about lack ofself-preservation in super soldiers and headed out.

~A~

Steve found himself sitting on the edge of the bridge. He wasn't completely sure how he got there. He kept looking down at the water. It was dark and swirling. Some might even say spiralling out of control. Just like him. The rain had soaked through his clothes, not that he really noticed.

It was so... poetic. The dark clouds pouring out rain into an already full river. Just like Peggy's death was pouring into his already overflowing river of loss.

There were other people on the bridge. Not that he cared. People were always around him. But no one was ever really there. Somedays, most days, he wished he had just died all those years ago. He never asked to live anyway.

Not that he was going to jump.

Really.

It was just that, well, sometimes, he'd rather never have been woken up at all.

It wouldn't really matter anyway.

He survived a plane crash into the ocean, a jump into a small river wouldn't do anything to him.

He wasn't that lucky.

~A~

Tony's heart about stopped when he saw him. Steve was sitting with his legs hanging off the side of a bridge.

Tony took a moment to still his pounding heart. He wouldn't, wouldn't... jump. There was no way. Captain America would never...

He walked up behind the super soldier.

"Hey, Cap,"

Steve's tensed for a minute, straightening his back. "Stark,"

"You in the habit of sitting unprotected in the pouring rain?" the billionaire said leaning against the railing.

You could feel the tension radiating from the soldier's body, "Last time I checked, that was none of your business."

Wow. Cold. Especially coming from Mr Perfect. He let the silence sit between them.

"She was a good lady," Tony finally said.

Steve didn't respond for a long time. Then he sighed, "The best. If it wasn't for her, I probably never would have become the Captain America everyone knows now. I probably would havestayed the performing monkey everyone thought I was back then. But, she was different."

"And you loved her," Tony said quietly.

The perfect soldier posture dropped. "Yeah, I really did."

They both stayed there in silence for a few moments. Then Tony patted Steve on the back. "Come on, even super soldiers shouldn't sit out in the rain. "

Steve laughed slightly. "Yeah, I guess your right." He gave one last look into the dark waters, then stood up and hopped back over the railing.

~A~

Steve had to admit, sitting out in the rain probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. He hadn't really been thinking clearly. He was honestly thankful Tony showed up when he did, it probably stopped him from doing somthing he would regret.

"You know," Tony said as they rode the elevator up to the main floor, "there's a lot to live for in the here and now. Maybe you could try to acclimate yourself instead of hiding in the past."

Steve momentarily bristled, then deflated. Tony was right. "I'll try," he answered back thoughtfully.

Tony smirked. "Do, or do not, there is no try," he said in a weird voice that Steve thought he should recognize.

The billionaire took one look at the soldier's confused face and gasped, "Are you telling me that you have been living in the twenty-first century for eight years, and you've never seen Star Wars!" He sounded absolutely shocked.

"I, uh, guess I never really got around to it. I've been meaning to but..." he shrugged.

They reached the floor and Tony stepped out, "Ok, go get changed and come back to the living area. We have movies to binge."

Steve stood their a moment before heading to his room. He changed into dry clothes and cleaned up his smashed phone. When he got back to the main room, "A New Hope", was on the screen, ready to play. Tony was on the couch with two large buckets of popcorn.

"Have a seat Cap," Tony said around a mouthful of popcorn.

Steve sat down and Tony continued to explain. "We're starting with episode four because it was the first on to come out."

"But why-"

"Don't try to understand it, it just is. It goes episode four, five, six, one, two, three, seven." Steve gave him a confused look, "Yeah, I don't know. Let's just watch the movies."

"So, we're going to watch all seven?" Steve said grabbing one of the popcorn tubs.

Tony shrugged, "Probably, not that the prequels are really any good. But, you need to get the whole experience."

"But if they're not any good then why-"

Tony rolled his eyes, "Just shut up and watch the movie. Jarvis,"

The movie began to play and they both relaxed.

Steve looked over at Tony and smiled, maybe everyone wasn't gone. Maybe the twenty-first century wasn't all bad. Maybe he really did have a friend. And maybe, just maybe, everything really was going to be okay.

~TH~

 **I hope you liked this story!**

 **And, while I know the Avengers probably forced Steve into watching Star Wars long before now, I really wanted to add this in :). And it's kind of what happened to me. I was a Star Trek fan for years and then one day one of my friends was like, "Wait, you've never seen Star Wars!"**

 **So, it's not completely unrealistic ;).**

 **Be sure to leave a comment!**

 **God bless,**

 **Trekkiehood**


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